Davelooked at me like I was crazy. “What?” he said. “This is all we talk about.”
In dissecting this discrepancy, Dave and I figured out that we had abouthow we would do things, but almost always in the abstract. So
Dave was right that we had discussedparenthood often, and I was right that the discussion had not been that practical. Part of the problemwas that our inexperience
made it hard even to know what specifics to cover. We had very little ideawhat we were in for.
I also think that we were in denial about the tremendous shift in our lives that was rapidlyapproaching. Dave and I were not even working in the same city when I got
pregnant (although just tobe clear, we were in the same place when I got pregnant). Dave had founded a company
earlier. Yahoo’s headquarters were in Northern California,where I lived and worked, but Dave’s team remained in Los Angeles, where he lived and worked.
When we started dating, we decided to base our life together in the Bay Area, so Dave begancommuting, typically spending Monday through Thursday in Southern
California and then flyingnorth to spend weekends with me. This pattern continued even after we were married.
After the birth of our son, Dave began flying back and forth several times a week. It was great thatwe had the ability for him to commute, but it was far from ideal.
Even though he was making anexhausting effort to be with me and our baby, he was still gone a lot. Since I was with the baby full-time, the great majority of child
care fell to me. The division of labor felt uneven and strained ourmarriage. We hired a nanny, but she couldn’t solve all our problems; the emotional support and
sharedexperience that a spouse provides cannot be bought. After a few short months of parenthood, we hadalready fallen into traditional, lopsided gender roles with her, he would sanction everything at oncehe answered..
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